Since I’ve challenged myself and everyone in the congregation to doing the first of Wesley’s general rules, I’ve found that it is not nearly as easy as it sounds. (Okay, I never thought that is was going to be easy but I didn’t anticipate the twists!) I reported previously that the first days seemed to be going just fine until the evening when I had an argument with my daughter which in and of itself is not harm; it was what I said toward the end of the argument that was harmful. Each successful days held its challenges but overall, the big challenge seemed to be to keep the rule, “Do no harm,” in my consciousness so I would be able to at least have a chance of not doing harm.
Here’s what I am discovering: the doing-no-harm-in-my-actions part is becoming a little better (with some notable relapses!). The doing-no-harm-in-my-words part is seemingly an off-and-off-again experience, at times being relatively easy and at at times being downright horrible. Being a communicator by nature and trade means that I can effectively use words to build up and evidently just as effectively to tear down- not good. I’ll keep at it.
What I am discovering that is most disburbing to me is the ease with which I do-harm-with-my-thoughts! I am dismayed by how easily a judgmental and ugly thought can jump in there. Oh I may refrain from saying that thought or doing the thought but it is still there. I was sitting in Stabucks the other day and I felt myself drowning in harmful thoughts and that is not good. So I am praying. I am trying to catch myself before I let my mind wonder to those mean places. I have not yet been able to rein in that behavior but by God’s grace (isn’t that always the key?!?!), I see an awareness rising and a transformation beginning.
Tags: Thoughts by James
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